If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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