Acid is not a monday night drug
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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