Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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