I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
4 words: hood of his car
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
