He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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