I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
