Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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