Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
