I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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