i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
