I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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