"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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