the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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