If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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