My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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