Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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