Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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