I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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