To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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