I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
