We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
