Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
