Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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