I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
