I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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