I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
