I'm jealous of your bromance
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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