i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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