haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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