we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
