had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
