Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
