I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
