remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
