Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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