I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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