found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Girls should come with a carfax report
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize