My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
