Someone shit on the floor
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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