PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Screwed.edu
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
