If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
