I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
