His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
