I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
