Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
