Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
