He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower