My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*