how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.