I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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