My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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