then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
