why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
