Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
