I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
