i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
