I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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