Define "chronic" masturbator.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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