Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone signed my nipple.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
