what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize