i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
