I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
