John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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