carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
