do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
