Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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