Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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