Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
