Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
