Me too!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
